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What The F*ck Is SEO?


Welcome to Part 1 of this SEO Series. Part 1 explains what SEO is, with Part 2 detailing How To SEO. Enjoy #not

In today’s digital business world, nowhere are three letters likely to produce so much confusion and unease. As the latest buzzword used for the ultimate weapon in digital fear mongering, SEO is thrown around the net like twenties in a strip club on a Saturday night – though with far less pleasing consequences.

What goes on the internet, stays on the internet forever. But getting to the first page of Search Engine Results is a whole other story. SEO takes time and effort – and going that extra mile. SEO is not a magic button you can push to “On”. But it is achievable. It just takes being a little clever with a lot of dedication - and understanding what the hell SEO actually is and why the hell you even need it.

Who Wants SEO? When Do We Want It?

If you are a business owner, agency, entrepreneur, blogger or whatever you are in today’s modern business world, you can not operate successfully without an online presence. And to have an online presence, this means you need at least one or more of the following:

• organic Google and Google My Business listings
• a website, and
• social media

These are our digital assets - our weaponry in the war on SEO. Set these up, and we’re ready for attack.

SEO is not as complicated as everyone thinks. But it is easy AF to feel overwhelmed by all the things the SEO Pro Cowboys out there saying what you need to do to succeed, right along with their magic plugins and prices to fix all your SEO problems – not that you knew you had problems to begin with.

Do you know how many SEO Searches happened today? More than 40,000 search queries are processed per second. This link tells you the exact number (mega coolness huh?)

The number one goal we aim for is to rank on the first page of Search Engine Results. Ideally, and depending upon our keywords and industry, it would be at the top of the page. So out of all those 40,000 search queries per second, we need to stand out.

google’s algorithms are so incredibly advanced, it takes time and effort for your website to rank – and this is even when you’re paying for an agency or company to help you with SEO Services. So we’re looking at a minimum of six months before we start seeing any kind of results. Consider it the modern day equivalent to watching paint dry #thanksgoogle

Why SEO?

In geek speak, SEO stands for

Search Engine Optimisation as the practice of increasing the quantity and quality of traffic to your optimised website through the organic SERP Search Engine Results Page which are determined by Search Engine Algorithms.

That’s a mouthful.

Out of all that goobledygook, there are two significant keywords:

“Organic” is one.

Organic refers to the standard, unpaid, natural listing that pops up on google Search Results - as opposed to the very top ones which are Google Paid Ads.


The next is “Optimisation” - but what the hell does it actually mean?

To “Optimise” anything - be it your website, images, social media, marketing or whatever ‘”optimisation” gets thrown in front of - means

any method that “improves, develops, enhances or elevates” - as in, I’m going to optimise my lunch with this glass of French champagne #notreally

In normal speak, Optimisation is a froufrou way of saying “making things better”. So the ultimate goal of SEO is to make finding your website through search engines easier.

We also have to be realistic about who comes to your site – and why. While you will do your best for people to find you, it’s far more likely your website visitors are there because they’ve been given a link and directed there – whether from you, a friend or colleagues, or through social media. The likelihood of your site turning up by someone searching for you with an industry keyword and location takes considerable effort, time – and sh’money.

Once you accept and understand this, the process for Why You SEO has far more direction.

This is also where people are likely to get their wires crossed: they think throwing lots of sch’money at google leads to their site immediately ranking #1. That’s certainly true if your Ad Spend for Google Ads is in the realm of $30K+ per year. But that’s not SEO.

Throwing money at google is called SEM Search Engine Marketing - also known as Paid Search - and this applies to a whole load of weird and wonderful SEO Services, such as
• Paid Search Advertising
Google Ads, Bing Ads, Yahoo Search Ads
• PPC Pay Per Click
A paying ad each time it’s clicked
• CPC Cost Per Click
The price paid for each click in a Pay Per Click Ad

This is where we’re really entering the land of snoresville. So if you want to look at organically growing your Search Results – which google actually prefers, though they don’t mind taking your cash either – then SEO drives people to your website and out into the wideworldinternets.

Happy google. Happy Website.

The latest Netmarketshare reports show 77% of searches in 2018 were powered by google on mobile, laptops and desktops, followed next by China’s internet company Baidu at 14% and then Bing at 4%.

What this confirms is google is the biggest Search Engine on the planet. We also know google’s ultimate goal is to make everything accessible, relevant and useable to their searchers.

Now we understand what drives google. We also understand keeping google happy is important. Keep google happy, and we’ll also keep Bing, Yahoo and all the rest happy too.

What it comes down to is SEO is the ultimate digital ménage à trois

You, the online business and website
google, the search engine, and
Your visitor, the one searching

And for this three-way relationship to hit the SEO pleasure spot, start on the path of SEO Success: build and develop your website for a pleasing user experience to keep your site visitors happy - and you’ll keep google happy.

So What The Actual F*ck Is SEO?

That’s been a lot of chit chat so far. But we still haven’t gotten into the deep and meaningfuls with what the hell SEO is.

So let’s recap:

The ultimate goal of SEO is to make finding your website through search engines easier

Build and develop your website for a pleasing user experience to keep your site visitors happy - and you’ll keep google happy

So now repeat after me: a happy website visitor makes google happy

These are the goals of SEO. Now we understand the goals, we might be able understand what the hell SEO actually is.

SEO is the consistent methodology we use to develop, build and update our digital presence to show in the top search results.

It’s a routine and process we practice over and over – when we build, develop and update our site, social media and business listings. SEO is always about going that extra mile to drive traffic back to us while pushing up our google ranking.

It’s tedious because while magic plugins and programs like Yoast or SEMRush SEO Toolkit are helpful SEO tools, it’s still up to you to Do The SEO. But it’s also the difference between someone else not, and you doing - so you get the SEO step ahead.

By going that extra mile, we’re establishing excellent habits so the journey isn’t quite so complicated anymore – just maybe, a bit tedious. But that’s ok. There’s nothing glamorous about this part of the internets. Just the results.

Want to know all the tips and directions on How To SEO? Jump here for How To SEO Happiness.

Now We Know Our SEO
Next Time Won’t You google With Me

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